How mastering emotions can help you achieve anything, a powerful yet potentially dangerous endeavor.
Being in touch with your emotion is a complexe endevior. One that isn’t explicitly taught by the western society.
At least nobody taught me that as I grew up. My parents worked a lot, they still made time for me but it was time focused on having fun. I learned basic curtesy: how to behave, how to make friends, basicly anything to be appreciated by others. But nothing about understanding, appreciating or even just value myself.
School was the same. You learn how to fit in: sit, shut up, and speak when spoken to.
So basicly, I learned how not to bother anyone. And I was a good student. I became a master at repressing my emotion, to not show them and act regardless of them. (A frightening system if you ask me today.)
But I never learned to understand myself: why some things felt right while others felt wrong, what emotions they evoke, how they manifest, and why.
At some point I couldn’t function anymore. My life made no sense to me. I felt like all the words that left my tongue came from someone else. My emotions were uncontrollable, and I had to teach myself how to understand them (thank you Internet).
I want to share the insights I have gathered on this topic so far, so you don't have to go through the same experience I did.
What is the purpose of our emotions?
Emotions are common in nature, at least among mammals. They serve as a mechanism that rewards good behavior for our survival. For example, when you find something to eat, you immediately feel happy. Conversely, if a predator is chasing you, you feel scared.
However, that is a rather simplistic description for us. As humans, we have evolved to a point where our survival is no longer considered a goal.
A better description would be that our emotions serve as an orienting system that informs us whether we are on the right path. This path is determined by a goal.
So you gotta make sure that your are on the right path! You have to define your goals as clearly as possible.
For example, if you are obsessed with making as much money as possible, your emotions will reward behaviors that increase your chances of making money. You won't feel bad about how you do it, even if it involves betraying someone. You may even feel great about it if it brings you a fortune.
To further emphasize the significance of this point, let's consider an even more distressing example. Imagine being a young man enlisting in the military with a strong desire to climb the ladder and serve his country. During the initial years of his service, he is assigned to harshly suppress a peaceful protest advocating for the rights of farmers in his own country. He is merely obeying orders, as he believes it is necessary to advance in rank, fully aware of this expectation when he initially enlisted. So, he physically attacks protestors, feeling proud that he didn't let his morals interfere with his “duty”, and happy about his upcoming promotion.
So, I can't stress this enough: understand what and why you are doing when you set a goal!
Furthermore, if you are feeling miserable in your life, it is possible that your goal is not aligned with what it should be. Your emotions are trying to tell you that you don't want this, indicating that you are working excessively hard for something that you do not truly desire.
But luckily, it's not the only way to influence our emotions.
How to decide what we feel beside setting a good goal?
That question may seem simplistic to many people, as they often believe that emotions are solely influenced by external events:
When a positive event happens in relation to our goals, we experience joy.
When a negative event happens in relation to our goals, we feel fear.
It's actually more subtle than that. It’s the thought triggered by a circumstance that dictates the feeling that arises from it. Different people may have different thoughts triggered by the same event.
For example, many of us consider finding a partner to be a significant goal.
When some individuals are rejected by someone, they do not take it personally and quickly move on, believing that the person was not a suitable match for them.
On the other hand, when others experience rejection, they interpret it as a sign that they are unlovable and destined to be alone.
Same goal, same event, drastically different emotional outcomes. I let you decide who is more likely to achieve their goal.
These thoughts processes are taught as we grow up. Now it is mostly uncouscious but it is still possible to change them.
To achieve this, you need to follow a few steps:
First, gain a clear understanding of your initial thought. Identify the events that trigger it, explore its origins, and assess its purpose, benefits, and hindrances. Maybe you will discover that you shouldn't change that thought at all, even if it is a painful one.
Next, construct a new thought thoughtfully, ensuring that it is based on reality rather than wishful thinking. It is important to avoid falling into false beliefs, such as thinking that being morbidly obese is healthy.
Finally, be mindful of catching yourself when you have the old thought and consciously replace it with the new one.
The final step will require time. You are attempting to modify the programming that you have been practicing since childhood. The longer the programming, the more challenging it will be to make changes.
That's all for today. I encourage you to handle that knowledge with care. It has the potential to make a difference in living your dream life, but it also has the potential to ruin it. It has the power to make you a saint or a tyrant.
I am keeping some things to myself as it isn't quite clear to me how to differentiate whether sharing them would help you grow or if it would be indoctrinating you.
I prefer that you take on that responsibility yourself. Good luck.